who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
