think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
