He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They took my balls.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
