You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
