just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
