There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
