there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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