The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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