Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
