good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
