If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
