i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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