I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
