i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
