At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
