Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
