the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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