Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
