I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
