I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize