Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
