My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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