If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
