Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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