Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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