Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
