My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize