the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
