i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
