In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Idk if I want to put a bra on
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
