We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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