# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As shirtless as possible
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
