make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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