It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
