all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
