wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
