I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
