I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize