I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
