So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i need some magic done to my vagina
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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