You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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