This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
