Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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