i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize