her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
