we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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