i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
