we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
