All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
