well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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