she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
