Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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