So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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