Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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