Kiss
Puke
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
