The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
