Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
