Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
