Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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