So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
