Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
