I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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