shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
