My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My penis needs a shock collar
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
