Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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