Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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