honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize