So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
