He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Randomize
