Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize