I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Randomize
