I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
