Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
