Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
