I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
