Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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