Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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