you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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