Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
