...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i think i have two assholes
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
