so explain again why im purple
no
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
