is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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