I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
