Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
