i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
