i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
