Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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