no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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