I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
