Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
