We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize