its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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