I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
