he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Mom said you looked used
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
