He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
